Nothings better than action.

Affection..Hott topic lately.
whoa..i wonder if they named the store Hott Topic after just being a hott topic?

anyway.

are words better than gestures..
are gestures better than words...

i cant say which is completely better, but i have a clear preference.

when i walk into a crowded room with that special someone..instead of hearing, "hey babe dont get lost", or "hey darling meet me at the other side"

I'd much rather feel the light touch of your hand on my back, or the slight squeeze of my hand. Because, to me, gestures win.

holding on to me says so many things, in your favor.
For EXAMPLE

the light touch on my back could mean a million things...."he doest want to lose me, or he wants the men in there to know i'm with him, or its just a reflex to protect me"...any of those make me smile.

The slight squeeze of my hand could mean, "hey lets get through this together, or its way too busy in here so he needs to hold on tighter." and i'm okay with both :)

I love affection.
showing affection, and finding those that affection me back.

At home, We dont always feel affectionate.
i think Zite stands for fighting or angry, or seperation in some dictionary..
ha i'm just kidding..but it should.

but still, every day we all make sure we say i love you..even if were so mad.
because i heard, i think my dad told me, a story about a young boy.

This young boys dad made this little boy wake up at the break of dawn after a long night the night before. This boy was not happy about it and he made his dad know. His dad dealt with his attitude like it was a normal thing, and when his dad left for work he yelled out i love you too his son. The boy hears his dad say this, and ignores it. Without a reply his dad walks out the door, to work. About three hours later, the young boy is in school and hes called out of class, to be given the information that his dad was in an accident and has died. And as he cried he remembered the hours before, and how he treated his dad, and how he never said he loved him.

Now the young boy lives with the regret of never saying I love you back to his dad.

I think i heard that story when i was a little girl..and it has haunted me ever since..
When ever i'm so mad at my parents or my sister, or their mad at me. We always end arguing with an I love you, or the next day. Because we dont know what our future has in store.

okay back on track.

I guess what i'm saying is i'd rather be hugged and kissed at a hello, than the actual word being said alone.

I would rather be holding your hand up the street, than a foot or so behind you.

I would rather a pleased look after i kiss you in public than an embaressed and a quick look around to see if anyone saw.. cause Believe ME. No one cares.

I would rather your hand on my knee, than your hand on yours.

I would rather a kiss on the cheek, than a wave.

I would rather. I would rather.
but no matter what i want i appreciate anybodys views on this subject.

I've dated guys that love affection..I've dated guys that dont really know how to show it.
and I dont have a preference when it comes to that.

Because everyone has a past, has a story. Some which affect you deeply, some which dont really affect you. And i cant say that a past of love is better than a past of no love. Because both made you who you are today.
and i cant say that the process of growing and strenght isnt beautiful.

Well..

Obviously i do have a preference..and even if its not the same preference as yours..
affection or no affection.
its okay with me.

-Alex Brynn

sown shut.

Your mind focuses through the shallow water into the depth i hold.
while my eyes try only to focus on the better light within.


your arms comfort my mind as it races.
my kiss comforts the thoughts you hide.


the lips on your mouth speak words i only wish were true.
while your body turns and walks away.



my pain swallowed by fear of never seeing you again
is brought back by the realization that i wont.


i wish i could say that its a bad thing.
but my lips wont open to speak the words.





my hearts sown shut..never to open again.

your thoughts stuck in my head like wax.

your picture burned in my eyes.

your memories swim through my soul.

close my eyes.

relax.

and erase.

until its gone.

my eyes squint open with hesitation to what i'll see.

and with a smile i realize.

my eyes are clear.

my thoughts are my own.

and my soul is clean.

my life is free and never to be taken.

my hearts still sown shut..never to be openend again.

Its in my hands now.

what comes next is completely in the making of my mind.

and for once i enjoy the freedom and power i have.

i'm careful but carefree.

i'm lost but exactly where i want to be.

i'm strong but emotional.

i'm confident & i'm happy.

and time passes..ever so slowly.

Then he comes along.

and one by one he pulls out the stitches keeping me together.

and as they fall out I worry he's opening a past and a pain i've locked away.

all the sudden the stitches are gone.

and i close my eyes.

.......

I wait for the pain to take over and the memories thoughts and pictures to be burned into my eyes and body forever.

till i squint my eyes open with hesitation.

& with enlightenment..i realize that all thats left is a scar.

a scar so tiny so unsignificant that it doesn't matter.

and now i'm open minded with an open heart.

and as your eyes see through my pain and into my depth

your smile grows into mine.

your kiss comforts me completely.

and your arms keep me at ease.

its a new feeling that i vaguely remember...but never actually had.

its real. and for once i feel alive.

your the answer to the wishes i've made my whole life.

and then i realize.

The scar i thought would last forever is fading to the distance as my heart acts whole again.

you've completed me.

-Alex

Craziness

So. I've told about my life long dream of being a designer.
and now is where i go crazy a little bit.

I changed my mind. AH

I have always thought people were crazy for changing their majors...for throwing away what they love. and starting something new.


But i'm doing it. and it excites me.

I was at work one day and this guy was asking me what my plans were for school..and my default "i'm going to design school"..started coming out on its own...it wasnt until half way through me telling him my future...that i realized i wasnt excited about what i was saying.


I'm not sure if its the fact that i've wanted to design for so long, and havent had the money or time to go to school.
or if it was that i just wasnt that interested in doing it anymore.




But after that man left...my mind went crazy.
i was freaking out, and for about one minute i didnt know what i was going to do in my future.
i was panicing.


My eyes watered with thoughts of never going back to school and being a waitress for ever..
and my mind raced with the thought of me going to school and coming out with no degree and no decision.


Then my mind lightened with the thought of animals. i love animals. i love them.
and i thought..what could i do..?


I didnt want to work at the zoo.
or be a bird trainer or something..sick.

an out there thought was that i could be a veteranarian.

and i fell in love with this idea.

School will be so hard.

lots of studying, memorizing, and work.

something i'm not to knowlegable of.

But i've set my mind too it. and now i'm going into veterinary science.
and i'm so excited.


Right now my lifes a little crazy..and with alot of decision making and stress..
i've decided not to start school till next fall.


I HATE THAT.




I want to start school tomorrow or the next day.
but with no money, no car, and an economy thats failing my job.
i'm stuck with the decision to wait it out. wait till i'm back on my feet and stable.. before i jump into something that could quite possible stress my life over the top.

patience is a virtue.

something i'm having to learn very quickly.

I wish that everyday i found a way to push all the worries out of my head and have fun.
but its not happening.


i used to be able to hide every stress i had. every worry i had. and every down thought. and go out and party with my friends.

I cant anymore. i'd rather be home going over everything i need to do. than go out with friends or anyone.

I do have a stress relief but its very limited and a stress activator itself.
( and no its not drugs or alchohal or anything bad )

so i need to find something new.
ideas.

-Alex

Just words.

glimpse. intrigue.
wonder. thoughts. look. deny.
watch. wait.

move. craze. mazes.
around. lust. run.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.

Different. fight.
cheat.
hurt. pain. sorrow. jealous.

Deny. Deny. Deny.
forgive.

move. craze. mazes.
around. lust. run.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.

different. fight.
cheat.
hurt. pain. sorrow. jealous.

Deny. Deny. Deny.
forgive.

around. around.
my merry go heart.

pain. pain. pain. pain. pain.
done.

move. away. out. now.
fix. glue. staple. tape.
together. whole.
necessary.

nector. bees. flowers. weeds.
love. lust. like. dislike.

change. difference. try.
untie. declare.
distance.

block. stop. yeild. caution.
NO.

proceed. slow. careful.

glimpse. intrigue.
wonder. thoughts. look. deny.
watch. wait.

move. craze. mazes.
around. love. stay.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.

love. eyes. heart. one.
you. me. we.

-Brynn. Zite.

Lost

I'm lost in your thoughts.

.
your minds a fine tuned violin, streaming constant notes. random yet beautiful.
and my education, experience, knowledge...stand close to nothing compared to it.

.
your eyes tell a story thats lost in the back of your brain, not even your body identifies.
But i'll follow the concern. fear. passion in your eyes till its gone.

promise.

.and when its gone..i'm gone.

.

your actions. your personality. your beauty.

..lost with the insecurities of your thoughts.

.

your faults. your beliefs. and your lusts.

...shine through your soul like moonshine.

.

Great. Bad. love.

.

concern. strategy. fear. and planning

swim through the notes of your violin like fish.

swimming in circles, taunting and winning without doubt..

.

Your perfect. and your insecurities. faults. beliefs. make you that way.

.

So smile when i call your name. and stretch your arms to the sun.

reelllaaxxx. and live your life.

.

tune your violin to wherever you want it.

who says it has to be a certain note.

then play for me.

.

.

play your notes for my open ears.. tell them the secrets you're scared to even think.

build bridges made of steel to where your mind wont be lost anymore.

find the thoughts you've needed, and put other thoughts in cages not to be found again.

this is your world.

.

I'm building a castle. while you drink the sun.

carless and free .

&

I'll watch you build the essentials. while i drink the moon..

.

Lights radiating through both of us, subtle differences..but still light.

for eachother.

.

Carfree and lost, in a world where being found isnt wanted.

.

i'll swim through your out of tuned violin anyday..

cause the truth is

you swim through mine

.

-Alex

Decaff or Regular.

Today i was walking my dog gidget about 4.6 miles on a public road. We were at the last little hill up to my house when i saw a wood bridge leading to a trail into the woods. I quickly, without hesitation, turned to go up the wood bridge.
.
Stopping at the entrance to the path i realized that i'm now making a decision that could quite possibly change my life. I dont know why i felt so strongly about this..but after realizing that, i couldnt decide.
.

I seriously couldnt decide if i wanted to walk up the wood path or the street.ha

.

If i walk up the wood path, maybe the bridge would break and gidget would fall and die or something. But if i walked up the street, i could get hit by a car or like a bus or something.

.

I sat there, and then hesitantly took some timid steps up the wood bridge. Walking slow and softly, hoping that the bridge wouldnt break. once i got through the trail, and too the top of the hill, i realized that these small decisions are part of all of our lives everyday.

.

We decide to drive or walk.

to work out or stay home.

to go tanning or sit by the pool.

to go to school or sluff.

which shirt to wear.

which food to eat.

.

.

all of these impact us and our lives.

.

and honestly it scares me.

.

Then i remember that i believe everything happens for a reason.

.

If its my time to die or gidgets..then its going to happen, wether i walk up the wood path and drown in a river, or walk up the street and get hit by a car.

.

maybe this is a little dramatic, and maybe you'll think i'm insane after reading this.

.

but i guess what i'm trying to say is, next time your given the choice between decaff or regular.

choose carefully.

-Alex Brynn

sounding life out loud.

Tasting the fear on your breath.
my smile grows into my eyes, radiating through yours.

Its not the the fear that excites me, but the knowledge i'm gaining from you.
I'm soaking in your body language, your style, your sucess, your faults.
till i'm full.

I understand.
completely.

I know where your coming from, and you might not understand how.

but i'm here.
now.

so make it known.
speak your mind.
sound your life out loud.

no one can stop you from what your about to say.
and everyone secretely wants to hear it.

Dont be shy.

Wasting time alone. is no way to live.
others can relate..and help you in ways your mind cant comprehend.

Trials make you who you are..make us who we all are.
Your wrong turns, your mistakes, your lies, your pain.
I want it.

I want the knowlege you've gained from your past.
The world needs the knowledge hiding in your soul.
so let me breathe you in so i can spit back the words unsaid.

We work everyday towards what we want. and knowledge is what we need.
You are more important to me to all of us..than you'll ever know or understand.

so help the world out.
help yourself.

sound your life out loud.

-Alex Brynn

Mindness

you like it when i speak my mind.

.

well..

.

I hate flip flops.

stupid name..for a stupid shoe.

.

I get embarressed when people know i'm vegetarian.

its my personal choice. stop making fun.

.

I act like i'm alot stronger than i really am.

the little things get to me.

.

I feel like I've lost every talent i used to have.

when the truth is..i just stopped practicing.

.

I've always wanted a tattoo.

& i'll get one soon.

.

I havent learned to forgive completely yet.

.

I'm easily distracted.

mostly in the most critical moments.

.

to get out of awkward situations or fights.

i'll say a joke.

and act like it was funny.

.

I have an obsession of clothes.

slight obsession.

.

I love singing.

in my car. my room. the shower.

anywhere you cant hear.

.

My car gives me confidence..

i think its sexy.

.

I love to love.

.

I always want things i cant have.

but everyone does.

.

I'm much better at giving advice than following it.

.

I love guys in tight jeans.

you know its hott.

.

I'm only 5'2 and 1/2..but i'll always say i'm 5'3.

its sad.

.

most of the time i know the answer.

but i'll ask anyway.

default.

.

I love making you feel good.

smart. cool. lovable.

you got it.

.

I dont pay attention to politics.

and that doesnt make me dumb.

i honestly just dont care.

.

I love coffee.

not because it makes me look cool, but because of the taste & caffiene.

mhm weird.

.

i was the most insecure in my life, my first semester of college.

i'm not sure why that is.

.

I'm easily bored.

and it has nothing to do with my surroundings.

i just love change.

.

i think that people who are racist

should go to hell.

.

I almost tried to pee in a bottle once.

while driving a man van across the US.

i think the manliness of the van was getting to me.

.

I didnt shave for two weeks once.

and i felt as if i'd gone off the deep end.

just glad to be back :)

.

I hate when guys show off.

but it secretly turns me on.

.

^^ i have no idea^^

.

I love dogs. and i want one .

but i think its just cause i'm lonely.

so i refuse to let myself get one.

.

I'm picky.

and i find myself settling for less than i want.

alot.

.

I love my girlfriends.

their amazing.

some have changed.

but i'll always love them.

.

this is about 1/4 of my mind.

here on paper.

.

I was talked into blogging by a good friend.

its helped me more than he'll ever know.

.

-Alex

uncomfortable

the taste of your lips. the feel of your skin. the passion in your eyes.
awake and its gone.

not a dream..but a moment.
emptiness fills the void you left when the door shut.

I dont realize the emptiness growing and growing...but it is.
one name slips into my thoughts and i smile at the thought of his name.
with a short phone call..i feel a little better..but when his name gets clouded in other thoughts..the emptiness takes over.

i'm alone in a place where i know everyone..
that isnt right.

another name slips into my head and another. i'm intrigued by the thoughts and keep them in my head to try and fill the unknown emptiness.

but its overpowering..and before i know it..the door shuts, and my pain is throbbing.

i dont care about you..you dont care about me.

and then i realize.

i'm alone in a place where i know only names and faces..
i dont know you, and i havent tried.
but your the void filler for the moment..and maybe i'm doing this all wrong.

i'm sorry do i love you?
wait..do i know you..

your heart is caged by metal bars, and the keys is occupied.
theres no room, and i'm not offended..i'm just glad were on the same page.

i'm alone in a place where one nights all you need

Make it happen

day after day after day.

The days drag into nights that drag into days.
theres no escape..and the tunnel keeps extending.

I'm told to push through it..it wont last forever..keep going.

But when the hell will it stop.

I'm 19 and having a mid life crisis.

is this supposed to happen.

My work days dont end..serving..selling...knocking..cooking.

I cant get ahead of myself.

I leave for the summer to push through the money trials and come out on top.

only to face the hard truth that i'll be starting my 9 to 5 job right when i'm back.

I work hard everyday..for what?

I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE.

i'm trying..i've missed one semester..and i feel completely left behind.

I'm about to miss another semester..who's fault is that.

MINE.

am i too picky?

should i settle with a college and a life i'm not completely satisfied with.

should i give up my dream to follow whats easier.

Nahh.

I'm not giving up.

My dream is to finish school for interior design in Los Angelos.

Hopefully get an "in" out there..and let my design career take off.

I want to get into commercial designing..hotels. resturaunts. theaters. malls.

but i have to be known first.

Its a difficult dream..but i'm willing to take the huge risk of putting everything on the line, to have it.

I'm very impatient. & the more i'm working and working.

i feel like i'm going no where.. and my impatient mind tells me to stop dreaming.

but then the part of my mind that i like..tells me its not just a dream, i can do it.

So here i am...

a young girl from midway utah.

wanting to make it big in design.

i'm sure you heard this dream before..

i'm sure i'm not the only one dying to be known for what i love.

But i will make it happen.

Whats your dream?

-Alex Brynn

Life.

Is it goodbye.
or do my words sink through the dirt to your body.

Can you hear me.

or are the words trembling off my out stretched fingertips lost.

Life. & Death.

I'm happy about the life you've lived.. your inspiring. When i think back on memories, i hear the beauty of your voice..
Your voice is something i've never appreciated more till now. Your tone and what you've said to me, replays in my mind.
its soothing.

You mean so much to me.

your more important than you think you are to me. & i'm sorry for that.

I completely took advantage of time that wasnt there.
even when i found time was running out.
I've never felt so cut off.
The time i was counting on, the time i looked forward too, and even the time i sometimes dreamed of..has been taken away.

All its left is the time spent...which wasnt meaningful enough for a last goodbye.

The last time i saw you, you were recovering in the hospital and you looked great.
Your tender hug made me confident you would be alright.
and with the words of your full recovery..i added time to my procrastination.

you dont deserve that.

I love you with all of me.

My heart. my mind. my body aches with the loss of your loving soul.

Your the beauty that brightens my thoughts.

and you'll continue to brighten them for the rest of my life.

You've only been gone almost an hour. & your completely missed already.

that shows how amazing your life was, and how amazing you are grandma.
I wont go a day without thinking of you, and all you've taught me.

& when were together again..i expect to hear everything i've missed.

I love you.

-your grandaughter Alex

Vegetarian.

for all you who wonder...why doesn't Alex eat meat.
this is for you.

And for all those who dont care or know that i dont eat meat.

you still might find this interesting....

So it started..i was a junior in high school.

i never really liked meat in the first place. Never ate steak or sausage or any of that..but i did eat chicken.

I was in my english class writting a report on how ridiculous i thought vegetarians were and especially vegans...when i stumbled across some disturbing information.

It was about how vegetarians thought, and their input on their eating. Most of them stated unhealthy statistics about meat, and how bad it was for your health. But a couple statements caught my eye on the idea of eating an animal that was alive...taking a life for the benefit of your hunger, or for fun.

I put it out of my mind and continued to eat chicken and other meat like substances...until one day i thought that i might want to try to be a vegetarian..for atleast a month.

So it started out really easy, just substituting meat for vegetables and beans and eggs, and other healthy things...and i kept expecting it to get harder...but it didnt..

At the end of the month i was a little excited to have some meat..

but as my mind began to think of the idea of eating an animal it made me sick.

i couldnt bear even the thought of eating something that used to be alive.

so from then on..i never did eat meat..

i haven't had any for a longg time now.

I dont think people that do eat meat are evil. & i dont get grossed out seeing people eat meat..just to clear things up.

I find it so important to be open about every lifestyle.

try different things, and find the way you want to live your life.

i've found myself trying alot of things.. bad and good. i dont regret anything, because from all i've done, i've found out what i like and what i dont..and what is better for myself and what is better for others.

but most importantly

i've learned how i want to live my own life..

My head.

making decisions?...
i can NEVER decide...i hope you never have to ask me to decide something..
serious.

making decisions is soo mesmorizing. the different things that could happen if you chose one thing and then the complete other side..what happens then?

I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

i mean i cant sayy i'm super difficult..because alot of the time i'll just go with whatever..
but when it comes down to what i want to eat for dinner..or what machine i want to work out on..what color looks best. its a tough task..to say the least.

i love interior design..my passion in life.

Allll the decisions are so intense.
and i love it because when its something like designing. art. or music..my minds so clear.
i know exactly what looks good where..i have no problem deciding which is best for the environment.surrounding.and you.

i might be contradicting myself in this..but thats the story of my life.

i'm confusing.

take a second thought..third..fourth..maybe fifth

before you decide to be part of it.

I deep think..alot.

bad and good.

i have a random stream of thoughts traveling through my head..constantly.

i've tried to stop it..building dams and such.
all destroyed by the consistancy of my damn mind.

^^i'm over it^^

i love when i discover things..or atleast when i think i do.

when i think of something before i know about it..i get pretty excited.

I can swear i was the one who thought of painting nails.

hah well i did discover that one.

anyways..other than making myself look bad out of thiss.
i hope you can relate.
The skill of relating to people is beneficial to the maxx.

i met this woman today..one of the strongest i've ever met.

her husband had cheated on her. her daughter and her own family needed to move in with her. her water pipe just exploded. her car broke down...just to name a few i caught in her mass confession to me.

but after she opened up to me..even though i didnt know what exactly to say..i related.

I tried relating things that were happening in her life to myself..making me stronger as well as making her feel better.

after her spill was over..and after i'd stepped out of my salesman pride.

we related with eachother..and thats when you truely know a person.

beautiful.

obviously i have alot on my mind..things i cant seem to get out of my fingertips onto this keypad. life can be very hard sometimes.
not because bad things are happening. but because either good things arent or you werent completely prepared for what is happening.

I'm working in West Virginia right now.

this could be the time of my life..but i cant get past how good life was elsewhere.
if i can finally look passt my life in provo..rhode island..and even north carolina, i know that i'll love it here and find ways to make this life my own.

but its tough.
you know this.
This is my best friend.

probably one of the coolest people i know.
livin out in p town though..of course.

I need too..we all need to stop comparing our lives. if i think to much about how fun it used to be, or how much fun it still could be..i'll go nowhere in life

^^over it^^

I'm out here making a difference.

if i didnt meet some of the people i've met, their life might have ended up differently.

and thats what keeps me going. I dont look at my job as just selling someone.

thiss is how it is.

if i dont hook this person up with security..in the future they could get robbed, or killed.

so by giving this to them now, i could in a distant way be saving someones life and helping protect them...

and if i hadnt come out here, some of these families i protected could have been hurt.

this makes me wonder what else kind of difference i can make.

we can all make a difference.

every person we come in contact with..we can change their life.course.path.

just by leaving a lasting impression.

these are just a few of my daily thoughts.

i'll stop now, before you hear them all. :)

-Alex

Inspiration

you inspire me.
its how you act. how you talk. your way of art. music. your lifestyle alone intrigues me.
invite me.
you inspire me...to be my own person. to find my passion in life. follow dreams. make myself known..inspire others.

i'm happy knowing that your there. watching me grow.

Thank you. for sharing your talents. for making me who i am today.

its always amazing to have someone to look up to. its even more amazing to realize that others are looking up to you.

i met this beautiful little girl the other day.. i was walking down the street...just doing my job.

of course if you know me i'm quite friendly..and it takes me about half hour to pass one block.. i definately stop for everyone on the street. talk about their day.share some quick laughter. and then back on my way.

this time was different.

i stopped.

she stared.

i complimented her on her pink bicycle.

she stared.

i complimented her on her nice beaded braids.

she blinked.

i said..sweetheart whats wrong. are you okay?

she cried.

still no words. whats up.

after a hug..and a tear stained shirt..she whispered the words.

can you keep a secret... i whispered. i'll keep your secret forever.

she pushed out the words.

i'm scared my parents are going to not be together anymore.

^^^Flashback^^^

August 19, 2008.

were getting a divorce.

I've been through the same thing. Seeing this tiny little girl going through the same thing that i did was heart breaking..i was 17 when it happened, and this little girl was only about 9.

thinking of how many times i was inspired to be strong through it all. and thinking of all the things i did wrong because of it.

it was my turn.

to inspire this little girl.

I knew when i was feeling this way..when someone would tell me what to do i blew it off.

So i started into a story.. about myself.

i told her about all the things i did..of course..leaving out the wrong turns i made.

even though our situations were very different. the light in her eyes as i was telling her what i did..was intense. she wanted to hear what i did next..she was breathing in my knowledge..

at the end. i told her to find something to clear her mind.

I told her about my writing addiction..and how i have notebooks and notebooks of words..never read..just to clear my mind.

she smiled and took out her journal from her backpack.

she flipped open the blank pages and through inspiration..she asked if it was okay if she tried the same thing that i did, to clear her mind.

me being so excited smiled, and carefully took her notebook and on the first page i sketched the words...everything is going to be okay.

you know..i dont know if everything will be okay for this little girl..but as she sat on the sidewalk next to her bike and her bags, i saw her concentration as she wrote words on the blank pages.

even through all of the hard times that her parents and herself are going to face, shes going to be strong. .and that i can be certain of.

So thank you.

for inspiring me.

you inspired me to be strong. to be caring. to love.

and through your inspiration i've been inspired to inspire others.

-Alex Brynn Zite

Changing. Changes.

i love changes. i'm not sure if its good or bad how much i like to change.

if you know me..you know how much i change my clothes in one day..and how often i love to color my hair, or paint my nails. How i always change my mind on what to do, switch sides on points of view, and how i cant do one thing for too long.

i love this lifestyle, i've gotten to experience so much more from how i am. but this lifestyle isnt for everyone...

You have to stay strong. know who your true friends are. and always have atleast one thing thats your constant...something that doesnt change, and is always there for you.

Blonde. Brown. Red. Black.

covered it all. I've been through some pretty ugly hair momentss.but thats part of my life :)

Tight Jeans. Boots. High Heels. Vest. Tank Top. Stripes. Short Shorts. Tie Dye. Plaid. Glove. Head Band. Rings. Chains. Tights. Jumper.

Been through alot..loved it all.

I love change..if that point hasnt come across in thiss at all.

Sometimes change is bad...of course like everything has a down side. Im always the same person however..some people dont get that..unfortunately.

& the numbered few who do understand me are part of my constant.. no matter what i look like or what i'm doing their there for me. and i love that.

Even as my beliefs and mind changes... i appreciate the few that are right there with me..

They dont have too agree with me, or understand everything that i do. but they dont try to change me to be something i'm not.. and thats why i love them..you know who you are.. :)

As i change my hair. clothes. mind. thoughts. & else.

i think of you.

love thats lost..and found

Love.

i'm not even sure this is a topic i should be speaking about. but its on my mind..

and this is my cleanse.

love is a bitch.

but some bitches are likeable..you know like that one person thats soo upsetting but everyone likes for some reason..thats what love is like.

^^some of the time^^

i cant say that love is always like that. because i personally love being in love. the thrill. the passion. the drive to be more fitting.

love changes people, for the better. and in some cases for the worse.

love can blind you from the path you had planned. it can make you think differently than before.

thats why you need to be very careful while falling in love.

i was in love. i was maddly in love once...and a feeling like that never goes away.try and try and try to forget me..i'll do the same.

love is a scary thing..especially your first time round the block..

i had an amazing first love..

it was increadible. i was free. and i wasnt careful.

it was the first time i was in love..how could something go wrong?

then the lies came out..both from him and myself..

neither of us were ready for what we were fealing, and neither of us knew how to handle it.

.WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

it was devestating to realize that we were too young for the fealings we had.

but that was our first step to maturity.

leaving was the second.

But now look at us. we've each grown to live our own lives working towards what we love. ..on oposite sides of the country...

i learned so so much from him..and i hope i left a lasting impression on him as well.

i learned that i can love.

that i can trust.

i can achieve my goals.

how to go for what i want in life.

the importance of honesty.

that i'm a person worth loving.

confidence.
how to care about someone.

romance..

and many other thingss.

i hope the second time around with love is better than the first..no matter who its with.

it could be with my first man..or someone else. but i'm going to know what i'm doing and be super careful.

respect me. i'll always respect you

try to trust me..i'll try to trust you.

&

love me and i'll love you.

everyone deserves to find love..it changes you as a person..and you find who you really are, and who you want to be.

if the time isnt right in your life, dont worry. the time will come, and when it does be ready..

love is dangerous...but love is always beautiful.

-Alex Brynn

Trust you?..

Trust me...

i met a complete strager on the street the other day when i needed directions.. i asked which way it was to the pool..he pointed in the complete oposite direction that i was going, and when i gave him a look of confusion.. he said TRUST ME its back that way.

trust him... really?..he wants me to trust him.

so i slowly nodded and continued on the path i was going, to the next lady..i asked which way it was to the pool..she pointed the way i was headed and said its a couple blocks down, look for it on your left.

she didn't ask me to trust her. she didnt expect me too, how could i trust someone i dont know..she understood me.

so i followed her directions..and on the way i discovered my trust issues.

i always knew i had a hard time trusting people..i've been hurt, and broken too many times, why would i possibly let someone else do the same thing to me again.

i knew i had my own back..thats all that mattered, i thought...

then i realized the relationships i've lost over trust..the friendships i've hurt over trust..and the hearts i've destroyed.

how could i ever build a relationship with someone if i could never say..i trust you.

believe me telling someone you trust them is a huge step..a huggee step, very seldom taken by my short legs. I take small steps, small timid steps very carefully placed.. thats the best way.

someday i honestly hope to be able to jump off the tight rope i'm crossing and trust with all my heart.

but jumping off a tight rope is risky..not to mention super scarey..so its something you have to prepare for..and i dont know how to even begin to prepare my heart for the knife of trust.

thats the way i look at trust..as a knife. A big knife that is so easily handed out but when its given, people completely take advantage of what they have in their hands..and thats when people are hurt, hearts are broken, and families are destroyed.

i've dealt with a lot of problems, all problems that could have been avoided i feel like. If only i didnt trust them in the first place..right? my heart wouldnt have been so dissapointed.

Wrong.

The pain, and the feelings i've felt have made me who i am today..they have made me completely stronger than i could have ever imagined.

even though i'm still timid with my trust..i hope to one day be able to hear something and not doubt it, i hope to love someone and not worry, and i hope to one day gain trust again for those who've lost it.

Alex Brynn

incomplete

Steady job. Solid friendss. Nice apartment. Confidence. Great life. Style. Love.

leave it all behind..try something new.. why?

My life is incomplete.. your life is incomplete. We cant know our lives are perfect, unless we've tried other ways of living them.

& i mean that in the best way possible

I love my life in Utah. I love my friends. job. and everything out there. But how can i know thats where i'm supposed to be in life...that is all i've done.

so..i left.

We start driving... me and zach..taking turns, following a couple words scribbled on paper.

probably not the best idea we ever had..but hey..it was an idea, and idea on how to change our lives. to try something new.

We drove across the country. passing through wyoming, nebraska, iowa, illinois, indiana, ohio, pennsylvania, new jersey, new york, conneticut..ending in rhode island.

seeing scenes never seen before by my eyes. things i would have never beheld if i didnt make this turn on my canvas.

in the moments of happiness and hard work. It was worth it.

Friendship. Social life. Great apartment. Fun.
the whole scene of Rhode island seemed to be there.

so...i left.

Back on the road.

states flying by... connecticut. new york. new jersey. deleware. maryland. Virginia. this time ending in North Carolina. :)

i found friends. a life there seemed possible of living...hard work layed in front of me ready for me to take hold...

the opportunities were abundant. and the people seemed lively..full of life..ready to blow their life.skill.knowledge into my body.

i breathed it in. i took as much knowledge as i could.

and..i left.

this time backtracking it.. back to Virginia

my brothers made his name known here. he knows what he's doing and his experience seems beneficial to the skill needed on my behalf.

With the knowledge and experience soaked in by my trip cross country. i'm ready to start a new page of my adventure.

the adventure to find where i'm supposed to be.