Trust you?..

Trust me...

i met a complete strager on the street the other day when i needed directions.. i asked which way it was to the pool..he pointed in the complete oposite direction that i was going, and when i gave him a look of confusion.. he said TRUST ME its back that way.

trust him... really?..he wants me to trust him.

so i slowly nodded and continued on the path i was going, to the next lady..i asked which way it was to the pool..she pointed the way i was headed and said its a couple blocks down, look for it on your left.

she didn't ask me to trust her. she didnt expect me too, how could i trust someone i dont know..she understood me.

so i followed her directions..and on the way i discovered my trust issues.

i always knew i had a hard time trusting people..i've been hurt, and broken too many times, why would i possibly let someone else do the same thing to me again.

i knew i had my own back..thats all that mattered, i thought...

then i realized the relationships i've lost over trust..the friendships i've hurt over trust..and the hearts i've destroyed.

how could i ever build a relationship with someone if i could never say..i trust you.

believe me telling someone you trust them is a huge step..a huggee step, very seldom taken by my short legs. I take small steps, small timid steps very carefully placed.. thats the best way.

someday i honestly hope to be able to jump off the tight rope i'm crossing and trust with all my heart.

but jumping off a tight rope is risky..not to mention super scarey..so its something you have to prepare for..and i dont know how to even begin to prepare my heart for the knife of trust.

thats the way i look at trust..as a knife. A big knife that is so easily handed out but when its given, people completely take advantage of what they have in their hands..and thats when people are hurt, hearts are broken, and families are destroyed.

i've dealt with a lot of problems, all problems that could have been avoided i feel like. If only i didnt trust them in the first place..right? my heart wouldnt have been so dissapointed.

Wrong.

The pain, and the feelings i've felt have made me who i am today..they have made me completely stronger than i could have ever imagined.

even though i'm still timid with my trust..i hope to one day be able to hear something and not doubt it, i hope to love someone and not worry, and i hope to one day gain trust again for those who've lost it.

Alex Brynn