Craziness

So. I've told about my life long dream of being a designer.
and now is where i go crazy a little bit.

I changed my mind. AH

I have always thought people were crazy for changing their majors...for throwing away what they love. and starting something new.


But i'm doing it. and it excites me.

I was at work one day and this guy was asking me what my plans were for school..and my default "i'm going to design school"..started coming out on its own...it wasnt until half way through me telling him my future...that i realized i wasnt excited about what i was saying.


I'm not sure if its the fact that i've wanted to design for so long, and havent had the money or time to go to school.
or if it was that i just wasnt that interested in doing it anymore.




But after that man left...my mind went crazy.
i was freaking out, and for about one minute i didnt know what i was going to do in my future.
i was panicing.


My eyes watered with thoughts of never going back to school and being a waitress for ever..
and my mind raced with the thought of me going to school and coming out with no degree and no decision.


Then my mind lightened with the thought of animals. i love animals. i love them.
and i thought..what could i do..?


I didnt want to work at the zoo.
or be a bird trainer or something..sick.

an out there thought was that i could be a veteranarian.

and i fell in love with this idea.

School will be so hard.

lots of studying, memorizing, and work.

something i'm not to knowlegable of.

But i've set my mind too it. and now i'm going into veterinary science.
and i'm so excited.


Right now my lifes a little crazy..and with alot of decision making and stress..
i've decided not to start school till next fall.


I HATE THAT.




I want to start school tomorrow or the next day.
but with no money, no car, and an economy thats failing my job.
i'm stuck with the decision to wait it out. wait till i'm back on my feet and stable.. before i jump into something that could quite possible stress my life over the top.

patience is a virtue.

something i'm having to learn very quickly.

I wish that everyday i found a way to push all the worries out of my head and have fun.
but its not happening.


i used to be able to hide every stress i had. every worry i had. and every down thought. and go out and party with my friends.

I cant anymore. i'd rather be home going over everything i need to do. than go out with friends or anyone.

I do have a stress relief but its very limited and a stress activator itself.
( and no its not drugs or alchohal or anything bad )

so i need to find something new.
ideas.

-Alex