Make it happen

day after day after day.

The days drag into nights that drag into days.
theres no escape..and the tunnel keeps extending.

I'm told to push through it..it wont last forever..keep going.

But when the hell will it stop.

I'm 19 and having a mid life crisis.

is this supposed to happen.

My work days dont end..serving..selling...knocking..cooking.

I cant get ahead of myself.

I leave for the summer to push through the money trials and come out on top.

only to face the hard truth that i'll be starting my 9 to 5 job right when i'm back.

I work hard everyday..for what?

I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE.

i'm trying..i've missed one semester..and i feel completely left behind.

I'm about to miss another semester..who's fault is that.

MINE.

am i too picky?

should i settle with a college and a life i'm not completely satisfied with.

should i give up my dream to follow whats easier.

Nahh.

I'm not giving up.

My dream is to finish school for interior design in Los Angelos.

Hopefully get an "in" out there..and let my design career take off.

I want to get into commercial designing..hotels. resturaunts. theaters. malls.

but i have to be known first.

Its a difficult dream..but i'm willing to take the huge risk of putting everything on the line, to have it.

I'm very impatient. & the more i'm working and working.

i feel like i'm going no where.. and my impatient mind tells me to stop dreaming.

but then the part of my mind that i like..tells me its not just a dream, i can do it.

So here i am...

a young girl from midway utah.

wanting to make it big in design.

i'm sure you heard this dream before..

i'm sure i'm not the only one dying to be known for what i love.

But i will make it happen.

Whats your dream?

-Alex Brynn

Life.

Is it goodbye.
or do my words sink through the dirt to your body.

Can you hear me.

or are the words trembling off my out stretched fingertips lost.

Life. & Death.

I'm happy about the life you've lived.. your inspiring. When i think back on memories, i hear the beauty of your voice..
Your voice is something i've never appreciated more till now. Your tone and what you've said to me, replays in my mind.
its soothing.

You mean so much to me.

your more important than you think you are to me. & i'm sorry for that.

I completely took advantage of time that wasnt there.
even when i found time was running out.
I've never felt so cut off.
The time i was counting on, the time i looked forward too, and even the time i sometimes dreamed of..has been taken away.

All its left is the time spent...which wasnt meaningful enough for a last goodbye.

The last time i saw you, you were recovering in the hospital and you looked great.
Your tender hug made me confident you would be alright.
and with the words of your full recovery..i added time to my procrastination.

you dont deserve that.

I love you with all of me.

My heart. my mind. my body aches with the loss of your loving soul.

Your the beauty that brightens my thoughts.

and you'll continue to brighten them for the rest of my life.

You've only been gone almost an hour. & your completely missed already.

that shows how amazing your life was, and how amazing you are grandma.
I wont go a day without thinking of you, and all you've taught me.

& when were together again..i expect to hear everything i've missed.

I love you.

-your grandaughter Alex

Vegetarian.

for all you who wonder...why doesn't Alex eat meat.
this is for you.

And for all those who dont care or know that i dont eat meat.

you still might find this interesting....

So it started..i was a junior in high school.

i never really liked meat in the first place. Never ate steak or sausage or any of that..but i did eat chicken.

I was in my english class writting a report on how ridiculous i thought vegetarians were and especially vegans...when i stumbled across some disturbing information.

It was about how vegetarians thought, and their input on their eating. Most of them stated unhealthy statistics about meat, and how bad it was for your health. But a couple statements caught my eye on the idea of eating an animal that was alive...taking a life for the benefit of your hunger, or for fun.

I put it out of my mind and continued to eat chicken and other meat like substances...until one day i thought that i might want to try to be a vegetarian..for atleast a month.

So it started out really easy, just substituting meat for vegetables and beans and eggs, and other healthy things...and i kept expecting it to get harder...but it didnt..

At the end of the month i was a little excited to have some meat..

but as my mind began to think of the idea of eating an animal it made me sick.

i couldnt bear even the thought of eating something that used to be alive.

so from then on..i never did eat meat..

i haven't had any for a longg time now.

I dont think people that do eat meat are evil. & i dont get grossed out seeing people eat meat..just to clear things up.

I find it so important to be open about every lifestyle.

try different things, and find the way you want to live your life.

i've found myself trying alot of things.. bad and good. i dont regret anything, because from all i've done, i've found out what i like and what i dont..and what is better for myself and what is better for others.

but most importantly

i've learned how i want to live my own life..