Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Nothings better than action.
whoa..i wonder if they named the store Hott Topic after just being a hott topic?
anyway.
are words better than gestures..
are gestures better than words...
i cant say which is completely better, but i have a clear preference.
when i walk into a crowded room with that special someone..instead of hearing, "hey babe dont get lost", or "hey darling meet me at the other side"
I'd much rather feel the light touch of your hand on my back, or the slight squeeze of my hand. Because, to me, gestures win.
holding on to me says so many things, in your favor.
For EXAMPLE
the light touch on my back could mean a million things...."he doest want to lose me, or he wants the men in there to know i'm with him, or its just a reflex to protect me"...any of those make me smile.
The slight squeeze of my hand could mean, "hey lets get through this together, or its way too busy in here so he needs to hold on tighter." and i'm okay with both :)
I love affection.
showing affection, and finding those that affection me back.
At home, We dont always feel affectionate.
i think Zite stands for fighting or angry, or seperation in some dictionary..
ha i'm just kidding..but it should.
but still, every day we all make sure we say i love you..even if were so mad.
because i heard, i think my dad told me, a story about a young boy.
This young boys dad made this little boy wake up at the break of dawn after a long night the night before. This boy was not happy about it and he made his dad know. His dad dealt with his attitude like it was a normal thing, and when his dad left for work he yelled out i love you too his son. The boy hears his dad say this, and ignores it. Without a reply his dad walks out the door, to work. About three hours later, the young boy is in school and hes called out of class, to be given the information that his dad was in an accident and has died. And as he cried he remembered the hours before, and how he treated his dad, and how he never said he loved him.
Now the young boy lives with the regret of never saying I love you back to his dad.
I think i heard that story when i was a little girl..and it has haunted me ever since..
When ever i'm so mad at my parents or my sister, or their mad at me. We always end arguing with an I love you, or the next day. Because we dont know what our future has in store.
okay back on track.
I guess what i'm saying is i'd rather be hugged and kissed at a hello, than the actual word being said alone.
I would rather be holding your hand up the street, than a foot or so behind you.
I would rather a pleased look after i kiss you in public than an embaressed and a quick look around to see if anyone saw.. cause Believe ME. No one cares.
I would rather your hand on my knee, than your hand on yours.
I would rather a kiss on the cheek, than a wave.
I would rather. I would rather.
but no matter what i want i appreciate anybodys views on this subject.
I've dated guys that love affection..I've dated guys that dont really know how to show it.
and I dont have a preference when it comes to that.
Because everyone has a past, has a story. Some which affect you deeply, some which dont really affect you. And i cant say that a past of love is better than a past of no love. Because both made you who you are today.
and i cant say that the process of growing and strenght isnt beautiful.
Well..
Obviously i do have a preference..and even if its not the same preference as yours..
affection or no affection.
its okay with me.
-Alex Brynn
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
sown shut.
while my eyes try only to focus on the better light within.
your arms comfort my mind as it races.
my kiss comforts the thoughts you hide.
the lips on your mouth speak words i only wish were true.
while your body turns and walks away.
my pain swallowed by fear of never seeing you again
is brought back by the realization that i wont.
i wish i could say that its a bad thing.
but my lips wont open to speak the words.
my hearts sown shut..never to open again.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Craziness
and now is where i go crazy a little bit.
I have always thought people were crazy for changing their majors...for throwing away what they love. and starting something new.
But i'm doing it. and it excites me.
I was at work one day and this guy was asking me what my plans were for school..and my default "i'm going to design school"..started coming out on its own...it wasnt until half way through me telling him my future...that i realized i wasnt excited about what i was saying.
I'm not sure if its the fact that i've wanted to design for so long, and havent had the money or time to go to school.
or if it was that i just wasnt that interested in doing it anymore.
But after that man left...my mind went crazy.
i was freaking out, and for about one minute i didnt know what i was going to do in my future.
i was panicing.
My eyes watered with thoughts of never going back to school and being a waitress for ever..
and my mind raced with the thought of me going to school and coming out with no degree and no decision.
Then my mind lightened with the thought of animals. i love animals. i love them.
and i thought..what could i do..?
I didnt want to work at the zoo.
or be a bird trainer or something..sick.
and i fell in love with this idea.
But i've set my mind too it. and now i'm going into veterinary science.
and i'm so excited.
Right now my lifes a little crazy..and with alot of decision making and stress..
i've decided not to start school till next fall.
I HATE THAT.
I want to start school tomorrow or the next day.
but with no money, no car, and an economy thats failing my job.
i'm stuck with the decision to wait it out. wait till i'm back on my feet and stable.. before i jump into something that could quite possible stress my life over the top.
I wish that everyday i found a way to push all the worries out of my head and have fun.
but its not happening.
i used to be able to hide every stress i had. every worry i had. and every down thought. and go out and party with my friends.
I cant anymore. i'd rather be home going over everything i need to do. than go out with friends or anyone.
I do have a stress relief but its very limited and a stress activator itself.
( and no its not drugs or alchohal or anything bad )
so i need to find something new.
ideas.
-Alex
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Just words.
wonder. thoughts. look. deny.
watch. wait.
move. craze. mazes.
around. lust. run.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.
Different. fight.
cheat.
hurt. pain. sorrow. jealous.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
forgive.
move. craze. mazes.
around. lust. run.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.
different. fight.
cheat.
hurt. pain. sorrow. jealous.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
forgive.
around. around.
my merry go heart.
pain. pain. pain. pain. pain.
done.
move. away. out. now.
fix. glue. staple. tape.
together. whole.
necessary.
nector. bees. flowers. weeds.
love. lust. like. dislike.
change. difference. try.
untie. declare.
distance.
block. stop. yeild. caution.
NO.
proceed. slow. careful.
glimpse. intrigue.
wonder. thoughts. look. deny.
watch. wait.
move. craze. mazes.
around. love. stay.
chills. crave. passion. feelings.
love. eyes. heart. one.
you. me. we.
-Brynn. Zite.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Lost
.
your minds a fine tuned violin, streaming constant notes. random yet beautiful.
and my education, experience, knowledge...stand close to nothing compared to it.
.
your eyes tell a story thats lost in the back of your brain, not even your body identifies.
But i'll follow the concern. fear. passion in your eyes till its gone.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Decaff or Regular.
.
Stopping at the entrance to the path i realized that i'm now making a decision that could quite possibly change my life. I dont know why i felt so strongly about this..but after realizing that, i couldnt decide.
.
Friday, September 17, 2010
sounding life out loud.
my smile grows into my eyes, radiating through yours.
Its not the the fear that excites me, but the knowledge i'm gaining from you.
I'm soaking in your body language, your style, your sucess, your faults.
till i'm full.
I understand.
completely.
I know where your coming from, and you might not understand how.
but i'm here.
now.
so make it known.
speak your mind.
sound your life out loud.
no one can stop you from what your about to say.
and everyone secretely wants to hear it.
Dont be shy.
Wasting time alone. is no way to live.
others can relate..and help you in ways your mind cant comprehend.
Trials make you who you are..make us who we all are.
Your wrong turns, your mistakes, your lies, your pain.
I want it.
I want the knowlege you've gained from your past.
The world needs the knowledge hiding in your soul.
so let me breathe you in so i can spit back the words unsaid.
We work everyday towards what we want. and knowledge is what we need.
You are more important to me to all of us..than you'll ever know or understand.
so help the world out.
help yourself.
sound your life out loud.
-Alex Brynn
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Mindness
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
uncomfortable
awake and its gone.
not a dream..but a moment.
emptiness fills the void you left when the door shut.
I dont realize the emptiness growing and growing...but it is.
one name slips into my thoughts and i smile at the thought of his name.
with a short phone call..i feel a little better..but when his name gets clouded in other thoughts..the emptiness takes over.
i'm alone in a place where i know everyone..
that isnt right.
another name slips into my head and another. i'm intrigued by the thoughts and keep them in my head to try and fill the unknown emptiness.
but its overpowering..and before i know it..the door shuts, and my pain is throbbing.
i dont care about you..you dont care about me.
and then i realize.
i'm alone in a place where i know only names and faces..
i dont know you, and i havent tried.
but your the void filler for the moment..and maybe i'm doing this all wrong.
i'm sorry do i love you?
wait..do i know you..
your heart is caged by metal bars, and the keys is occupied.
theres no room, and i'm not offended..i'm just glad were on the same page.
i'm alone in a place where one nights all you need
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Make it happen
The days drag into nights that drag into days.
theres no escape..and the tunnel keeps extending.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Life.
or do my words sink through the dirt to your body.
I'm happy about the life you've lived.. your inspiring. When i think back on memories, i hear the beauty of your voice..
Your voice is something i've never appreciated more till now. Your tone and what you've said to me, replays in my mind.
its soothing.
I completely took advantage of time that wasnt there.
even when i found time was running out.
I've never felt so cut off.
The time i was counting on, the time i looked forward too, and even the time i sometimes dreamed of..has been taken away.
Your tender hug made me confident you would be alright.
and with the words of your full recovery..i added time to my procrastination.
you dont deserve that.
You've only been gone almost an hour. & your completely missed already.
that shows how amazing your life was, and how amazing you are grandma.
I wont go a day without thinking of you, and all you've taught me.
& when were together again..i expect to hear everything i've missed.
I love you.
-your grandaughter Alex
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Vegetarian.
this is for you.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
My head.
i can NEVER decide...i hope you never have to ask me to decide something..
serious.
making decisions is soo mesmorizing. the different things that could happen if you chose one thing and then the complete other side..what happens then?
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING.
i mean i cant sayy i'm super difficult..because alot of the time i'll just go with whatever..
but when it comes down to what i want to eat for dinner..or what machine i want to work out on..what color looks best. its a tough task..to say the least.
i love interior design..my passion in life.
and i love it because when its something like designing. art. or music..my minds so clear.
i know exactly what looks good where..i have no problem deciding which is best for the environment.surrounding.and you.
all destroyed by the consistancy of my damn mind.
anyways..other than making myself look bad out of thiss.
i hope you can relate.
The skill of relating to people is beneficial to the maxx.
obviously i have alot on my mind..things i cant seem to get out of my fingertips onto this keypad. life can be very hard sometimes.
not because bad things are happening. but because either good things arent or you werent completely prepared for what is happening.
this could be the time of my life..but i cant get past how good life was elsewhere.
if i can finally look passt my life in provo..rhode island..and even north carolina, i know that i'll love it here and find ways to make this life my own.
but its tough.
you know this.
This is my best friend.
probably one of the coolest people i know.
livin out in p town though..of course.
I need too..we all need to stop comparing our lives. if i think to much about how fun it used to be, or how much fun it still could be..i'll go nowhere in life
^^over it^^
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Inspiration
its how you act. how you talk. your way of art. music. your lifestyle alone intrigues me.
invite me.
you inspire me...to be my own person. to find my passion in life. follow dreams. make myself known..inspire others.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Changing. Changes.
if you know me..you know how much i change my clothes in one day..and how often i love to color my hair, or paint my nails. How i always change my mind on what to do, switch sides on points of view, and how i cant do one thing for too long.
i love this lifestyle, i've gotten to experience so much more from how i am. but this lifestyle isnt for everyone...
Blonde. Brown. Red. Black.
Tight Jeans. Boots. High Heels. Vest. Tank Top. Stripes. Short Shorts. Tie Dye. Plaid. Glove. Head Band. Rings. Chains. Tights. Jumper.
Been through alot..loved it all.
I love change..if that point hasnt come across in thiss at all.
Sometimes change is bad...of course like everything has a down side. Im always the same person however..some people dont get that..unfortunately.
& the numbered few who do understand me are part of my constant.. no matter what i look like or what i'm doing their there for me. and i love that.
Even as my beliefs and mind changes... i appreciate the few that are right there with me..
They dont have too agree with me, or understand everything that i do. but they dont try to change me to be something i'm not.. and thats why i love them..you know who you are.. :)
As i change my hair. clothes. mind. thoughts. & else.
i think of you.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
love thats lost..and found
how to care about someone.
Trust you?..
i met a complete strager on the street the other day when i needed directions.. i asked which way it was to the pool..he pointed in the complete oposite direction that i was going, and when i gave him a look of confusion.. he said TRUST ME its back that way.
trust him... really?..he wants me to trust him.
so i slowly nodded and continued on the path i was going, to the next lady..i asked which way it was to the pool..she pointed the way i was headed and said its a couple blocks down, look for it on your left.
she didn't ask me to trust her. she didnt expect me too, how could i trust someone i dont know..she understood me.
so i followed her directions..and on the way i discovered my trust issues.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
incomplete
Steady job. Solid friendss. Nice apartment. Confidence. Great life. Style. Love.
the whole scene of Rhode island seemed to be there.